And so it is. And so it was.

Well, I’m single again. At least now its official. In a way I’ve kind of been single for a while now. She wasn’t into being in a relationship and I wasn’t happy, so its probably better this way for right now. But the good news is that things went much better this time than last.

It still hurts a little. That is to be expected. But not only am I more prepared this time, but it is a much different situation. I will miss her. I will miss her being close and spending time with her. I will miss her because she is cute and beautiful. But we are still friends, and can still do things together, so I am hopeful that friendship will continue, and I am glad for that.

Its weird what I’m feeling. Sometimes I think about it and it hurts to lose someone I’ve grown to love. But I’m finding that this hurt, when it comes on, does not stay for long, and is not as strong as I expected. Maybe my mental preparing has paid off. Or maybe I know that we will still talk and sometimes hang out instead of snipe and talk behind our backs about each other, and that makes me feel better.

Also, I know that I have another chance to be with someone else. I still have a lot of catching up to do, and I am a stronger person now. All I have to do is get out there and make it happen. I surprised myself a year and a half ago, so I know I am capable and believe in myself. On the one hand I am sad to not be with the girl I have become attached to for the past several months. But on the other hand I am glad that I have more chances to see what else is out there.

If nothing else, I am getting more in tune with what I want out of a relationship, be it casual or serious. I do not intend to get attached to a girl again (of course I said that last time and look what happened lol). I will go back to looking to have some fun. I’m not so picky when it comes to that. But if/when I look for another serious relationship, I want a girl who not only is independent, with her own place and car (no more teaching women how to drive or take care of themselves), I will want them to be a dork, or at least be ok with me being one. It was pretty awesome to be with a girl who not only shared my love of video games and dorky things, but dwarfed my own interests and opened my eyes to many other nerdy things. I don’t think I could end up with a girl again who was not into dorky things, or at least tolerant and/or knowledgeable about them. That’s a level of connection I think will be important for the long haul.

But most importantly, I want my next serious relationship to be with someone who is happy and, if not completely comfortable with herself and her life, has a plan to get there. There are few things worse than having a significant other who is depressed and being unable to do anything about it. It affects the relationship, makes both people unhappy, and breeds insecurity.

I still care about her greatly and she still loves me. And that makes my happier about this situation than anything else. I’ll always be there for her, and she knows I will because she knows that’s the kind of guy I am. I really don’t have much going for me except that. Who knows, if a couple years go by and neither one of us are in serious relationships maybe we’ll try again. We’ll see. But for now she can focus on getting her life in order and I can spend more time being my own person. We both came along at point in each others lives when we were able to give each other just what we needed. She healed me, taught me to be confident in myself, and showed me that I didn’t have to compromise and could get a girl who is pretty and smart. I showed her that she didn’t have to pretend to be someone else and that she is worthy of someone who is willing to treat her well. I’m not sure if she will ever be confident enough in herself to stop caring what other people think of her, but that’s something that only she can do for herself. Bottom line is that we were just what we needed for each other at the perfect time, and I am extremely fortunate to have had the time with her that I did. It all goes back to the saying that changed everything for me back then. Don’t be sad that its over, be glad that it happened.

The only question now is who will still talk to me. A lot of my friends I met from via my ex-wife talked to me for a while, but eventually came to all but completely ignore me. That hurts too, but maybe I’m over thinking the situation. I tend to do that. There are a few people that I would like to continue to be friends with, so I hope we can still do that. Time will tell.

For now, I will spend a short time licking my woundgs and come back happy. I have work to do. I have things to prove to myself.